Unexpected Expenses

Emergencies arrive on so many types of fronts. It may be emotional, financial or the scariest…physical. Today mine arrived in a form that I had no contingency for…animal. Today one of my pets had an emergency and for as long as I have had pets this was the first time I had to deal with a pet emergency.  We had the funds to cover the expenses with little strain, however once the bill arrived the title of the show I had been watching earlier popped in my brain which led me to today’s topic.

  Life or Debt

It’s sad for me to admit, but there was actually a number that would have made that a much harder choice. Luckily today we didn’t reach that number. However, it  brings to mind this question:  How did the fear of debt become such a prominent factor in important life decisions?  Now this is not a speech about healthcare. (I have political opinions, I just don’t feel the need to share them.)  This is a question of my own moral boundaries when it comes to debt.  I say that I wouldn’t have saved the life of my pet if the cost was too high, but is that really true?  I will admit something else, the original number that I had decided on before I hit the vet was half of the number on the bill, but once I was told that my pet’s quality of life could return to a healthy state doubling the number didn’t seem so bad. This was because, even though we knew the number was much larger than we anticipated, we could afford it with a few simple sacrifices.  Would my willingness to part with the money been the same had I not had it to give? If I had to choose between my family and the pet? Of course not, and I say that without guilt, but today, that was not the case.  Until next time….

Maybe today…I’ll figure out how my brain works

I’ve never considered myself an artist, maybe art savvy, but as I recently confessed, my need for control turns every piece of art I try to create into a project.  However it’s not the creation itself that I enjoy, it’s the thinking about something and then watching it become a reality. And here is where I am always surprised, because no matter how much I plan or visualize the piece of  art in my head always turns into another project that I had no clue was even in my brain. So with that in mind I give you today’s topic:

Maybe today…I’ll figure out how my brain works.

I’m not talking about the actual biological functions but the basic perceptions that I seem to  completely misinterpret. So in a previous blog I stated that my next project was to involve candy foil wrappers, toothpicks and small mirrors. Well it seems that only one of those items are actually in my next project which ended up being miniature wooden rafts with artistic flair. Why?  I don’t know.  When I meditated on it yesterday I came up with this: Last year I visited the ocean for the first time.  It was amazing!  I had never felt so serene, so at peace.  It was the first time in my life that I realized that there is no way for me to control everything and that that was a great thing.  So maybe the miniature wells, (which I haven’t told you about) and the miniature rafts are representations of my mind trying to reconnect with that feeling of complete awesomeness.  And maybe not. Until next time…

Maybe today…I won’t be a control freak.

Well hello and great afternoon. Today I find myself back on the systematic schedule that allows my life to stay in the center.  I know it sounds boring, but I have one of those personalities that if not properly planned can spin out of control due to it’s own centrifugal force.  There’s a ride called the Gravitron. You can usually find it in those small fairs that travel the cities.  You walk into a UFO looking thing and strap yourself against the wall.  Anyway, having a basic daily system allows me to stick in the middle and not have to strap myself against the wall. This somehow leads me to today’s topic.

Today’s Topic:  Maybe today…I won’t be a control freak.

It’s a negative connotation to most when you put the words control and freak together.  But for me it is a badge of honor. There are numerous reasons why I am a control freak but that is neither here nor there because the bottom line is that I enjoy being a control freak. However, as a desire to find balance so that I can experience more moments of pure and untainted happiness I want to find ways to “go with the flow.”  Now let’s begin by explaining that my deepest belief is that using such a lax method in any circumstance is completely illogical. Especially if it is completely rational to plan every aspect of the situation.  However, I have come to understand that planning every moment really limits the amount of truly mysterious and magical experience that you can only have by mistake. So with that in mind I have to realize that I will never not be a control freak, but with much practice I can pretend that I’m not and mimic the motions of “going with the flow.” For now, it will have to work.  And that’s all for today.  Until next time.

Maybe Today

One of the things that I find amazing about myself is that my mind can spin with thoughts but when I reach out for one to expand the thought becomes intangible. Like a dream that seems so real that you can feel the weather on your skin, but when you awake it dissipates, first slowly then so quickly you don’t know if it was there at all.  That’s why I watch so much television, it allows my mind to wander but still have a fixed place to come back to.  So with that in mind I just came up with today’s topic, which, come to think of it should have probably come to me much easier.

Today’s Topic:  Maybe Today

It’s the name of the blog and I suppose before we go much further I should explain where it came from.  I suppose I can say that the title explains it all. Maybe today…I will leave the house.  Maybe today…I’ll finally come up with that one great idea.  Maybe today…nothing will change.  Maybe today…everything will make sense.  Maybe today…I’ll smile, cry, try something different, fight for a cause, find inspiration.  There is really no limit as to what the end of that particular sentence could be, and I guess that’s what I like about it.  Recently I’ve been pushing to start a new art project with toothpicks and foil candy wrappers along with little tiny mirrors.  I have no clue what I’m going to create but that’s how all my projects start in my mind. Then slowly as the natural controlling and planning parts of my mind go to work a project forms.  What’s funny is that by the time my plan is put into fruition at least one hundred aspects of the original thought changes.  I think that’s awesome.  But only in this aspect of my life.  If that were to happen with other aspects of my life like finances, child rearing etc. the end result would not be pretty.  So Maybe today I’ll start that project. Probably not, but I love having the option. Well my attention span has come to it’s end.  Until next time.

I’m flighty, but I won’t apologize.

Well hello, I’ll be honest I’m a little surprise that you have stopped by but since you have welcome to my Maybe Today blog. I have no clue what the intentions of this blog is or where the subject matter will begin or end on any given day. Let’s just say that it’s an experience in experiencing without the need for complete control. That means that I have no intention of planning them out, and sometimes I may not even choose to format. Why? Well why the hell not.  Everyone could probably use a little randomness every once in a while, right?

Today’s topic: Starting this blog.

I mean seriously what the hell am I really doing this for anyway.  This morning I had a conversation with my teenage daughter about how we as human’s look toward recognition as a need for personal happiness. Well I can’t honestly tell you if I’m doing this out of recognition or the need to jump back on the writing horse after a five year run of endless rejection.  I guess I’ll find out with the help of this blog, or maybe I’ll just blow it off like I do with most things. Yup, I’m admittedly flighty, but I won’t apologize for it.  Anyway back on track.  I’ve been thinking about this blog for a little while. Then after going through probably thousands of topics. None of them stuck. Instead, I figured that it would be nice to write without limitations, boundaries or obligations. And I guess that is all for now…until next time.